Bruise Diary
2021-2024
This zine presents bruises in a more everyday and entertaining manner, serving as a personal project. It originates from a series of color pastel drawings I began in the first academic year of 2021, depicting the bruise marks that have appeared on my body. Since childhood, I've noticed my tendency to develop bruises and marks easily; the doctor suggested this might be due to scarring or a deficiency in certain trace elements. Since 2019, I've consciously photographed these bruises and documented their appearance, along with my feelings at the time.
I believe these colors are just as rich as cosmetics and paints, as they result from external forces squeezing or bumping our bodies. The contexts in which these bruises arise are varied - not just moments of hurt and pain, but also instances of excitement and relaxation. I compiled these bruise drawings, along with dates and written documentation, into a zine printed on soft, translucent film paper. My aim is to offer audiences a unique viewing experience while also capturing my evolving emotions and moods.
Ongoing Public Project:
In 2023, following the exposure of "Bruise Diary" on the internet, it gained significant attention. I noticed a heightened sensitivity and empathy towards pain among women in a general sense. Women, due to their innate physiological structure, often endure more pain (such as during menstruation and pregnancy), and hormonal changes make their emotions more prone to fluctuations. I received over three thousand submissions of bruises and stories from girls, and among them, I selected ten girls' bruises to draw and compiled their stories.
0001. My Sports Career Comes to an End
“During high school, I was training alone in the field when a coach pushed me too hard, resulting in torn ligaments in my inner thighs. The pain was excruciating, keeping me up all night. Afraid of worrying my parents, I didn't dare tell them. The next day, I could barely walk, yet I was scolded when I asked for time off from my coach. Those three months of field training were the most agonizing period of my 20 years. Ultimately, due to inadequate protection during training, I tore the cruciate ligament in my left knee, bringing my five-year sports career to an end.”
0002. The Strings Are Falling Feathers
“In the summer of 2018, I was transitioning from the second year to the third year of junior high school. The busy schoolwork made me anxious, so I turned to playing the guzheng to relax. Perhaps it had been too long since I last played, a rusty string on the instrument snapped, injuring my leg and leaving behind a bruise that resembled a feather. Now that I am in university, studying a major unrelated to music, whenever I see this photo, I still reminisce about that early summer afternoon. It's a kind of preservation of youth's memories.”
0003. The Development of Anti-PUA Mastery
“I was rushing to catch the high-speed train when I tripped and fell. The lady next to me heard the loud thud of my fall but didn't bother to help or show any concern; instead, she loudly scolded me for falling too loudly, saying it frightened her. Such charming elder logic. As a result, I missed the train and was unsurprisingly scolded by my mother. The voice from the loudspeaker on my phone was so loud it made my ears ache. However, I've long become a master of anti-PUA, so missing the train was no big deal.
When meeting friends, they thought I secretly got a tattoo because the shape of the bruise was quite cute. After falling multiple times, I realized that elbows are like important little armor on the human body!”
0004. “Victory Medals” of Campus Violence
“I struggled with depression for two years. On September 4th, I went to school for the first time and was bullied by two female classmates. They hurled all sorts of insults and dirty words at me, telling me to get lost. After leaving the classroom, I called my parents and the teacher. When the head teacher arrived, I stormed back into the classroom and fiercely beat up those two girls. I was shouting as I hit them, and not a single person in the class dared to intervene. In the end, I beat them both quite badly. This bruise is from when I smacked them against the corner of a desk, like a little victory medal!”
0005. Challenging the Boundaries of Female Ability
“The bruise on the inside of my knee from the surfboard hitting me has faded a lot since the day before yesterday. It's inevitable for a girl playing this demanding sport to get some minor injuries. Battling against nature, hovering, harnessing its power, and resonating with it in the sea. I deeply feel the insignificance of the individual and the powerful belief that free will can burst forth. As a woman, challenging the boundaries of ability, I affirm my existence with this strength. The bruise is just a footprint of growth.”
0006. Confession of Wanting to Break Out of the Township
“I am a nurse at a township health center and have been working for four years. I never intended to work in a township and always wanted to resign, but I gradually assimilated and gave up. This year I underwent surgery for an anal fistula, followed by vomiting, and was diagnosed with ankylosing spondylitis to rule out Crohn's disease.
Then, two diseases were rechecked together, and at the same time, I caught my ex cheating. Feeling very upset, I wanted to resign. The hospital leader talked to me. This is when I fell hard on my way to see her. The hospital leader took care of me and advised me. Now I am recuperating and receiving weekly psychological counseling.
When I first graduated, I had many ideas and felt capable. But in the small town, everything remained the same, and many classmates surpassed me. The scars on the road to changing myself are visible, but I have never had the opportunity. It feels like the bruises under my skin also want to break free. The doctor said bloodletting treatment would speed up recovery, but it's not necessary. Slow recovery is also effective. I am afraid of pain, so I chose to recover slowly, which is somewhat similar to my choices at work. I want to change, but I am afraid of pain.”
0007. Turning Seventeen Abroad
“This is a bruise on my stomach, with the red spot next to it being a scab from an injection. On my seventeenth birthday, I was alone in a foreign country, and I passed out in my room late at night. When I woke up, I was in the ICU. It was pancreatitis, acidosis, and type 1 diabetes. Sometimes when I inject insulin myself, I hit a blood vessel, which causes bruising. These kinds of bruises may accompany me for the rest of my life.”
0008. The Feeling of Enjoying Being on Stage
“In the dead of winter, I performed in a stage play without wearing knee pads. During the performance, I slipped and fell, sliding three meters away...
This was my rebellion; my family strongly opposed my interest in cosplaying, especially stage plays. But I truly love the feeling of being on stage. The solid wood floor of the theater was really painful to fall on, but I was so happy to be on such a formal and grand stage for the first time. It was also my first time falling on stage and my first time improvising to save the scene. I remember being so afraid of the pain that I trembled all over and couldn't move, and when it came time for the curtain call, I hid behind the stage and didn't come out. That day, I performed in four or five plays, and I was truly overjoyed!”
0009. Love is Not a Reason for Hurt
“I was abused by my ex-boyfriend. This was an experience that lasted for half a year. It was the first time I deeply understood why there is so much domestic violence, and why there are so many girls trapped. Kindness and tenderness were their weapons to hurt girls, and they made me fall into an endless cycle. I questioned my weakness and indecision, falling into repeated self-denial, even giving up resistance.”
0010. Bruises Excite Me
“I'm a BDSM lover, pain and bruises get me high and satisfied, and the soreness of pressing on a bruise is like a drug to me.
In junior high school, I was beaten so hard by my dad with a coat hanger for being a rebel that my bum was purple for a month and I couldn't even sit down. But at that time, I inexplicably liked to look in the mirror to see the color of the bruises on my buttocks, and to feel the soreness of the bruises when I pressed on them. Since then my father never hit me, and I suddenly began to love pain. It was a very popular time for posting, and then by chance, I learned about BDSM, and it was as if I had found an organization and fell in love with this niche culture. Of all the marks I love bite marks the most and the pain is the strongest. Bruises left by teeth sunk into the skin, each a different color and shape, bloomed briefly on my body like flowers.”